Living In the Contradiction
I need to write. I’m not supposed to. It’s not what I should be doing. I need to. But about what exactly? I can talk about radical freedom, a system of abundance instead of lack, everyone being supported, or taking survival off the table. They are ideas and ways we could resolve a lot of the existing struggles in our world. But, like you, I’m tired. I’m tired of the struggle. I’m tired of the fighting. I’m tired of watching the never ending tug of war between one extreme and the other.
Nobody wins the fight we’re currently in. Nobody wins it. Not the left, not the right. The rich don’t win if they can’t generate more wealth. The poor don’t win when they have nothing left to lose. The middle? Well they end up poor.
Trump seems to think the fix is crashing the dollar and crashing the markets. If we threaten everybody then everybody will listen to us. But it doesn’t work like that. Most countries will just walk away. They’ll go around the United States. Don’t get me wrong, Trump will get the lower dollar. He will get the crashed markets. He will get the “America first” he wants, but not quite the way he envisions it.
Does he want to give up world control? No, I don’t think he does. But he can’t do what he’s doing and retain global power. The cause is tariffs and threats. The effect is isolation and maybe war. Both are a choice. When we make a choice to take an action we can’t be mad at the effect the action creates. That’s how self-responsibility works. Take responsibility for yourself and when you do or say things that create an effect you don’t like, it’s your own fault.
The system is rigged. But it’s rigged in such a way that it gives the illusion of control and power. It gives the illusion of lack and scarcity. It gives the illusion of pain and struggle. What are we really tired of? The fight for survival. The fight to hold onto the little bit we think we have. The fight to keep things the same.
What if the system supported you? What would your life look like if you knew you didn’t have to fight for survival? What if you weren’t in a constant state of fight or flight?
That’s the vision I have for the world - one where food, clothing, shelter, education, and healthcare are freely provided. Everyone has access to a tiny home or a bachelor suite for free if they want it. You would have a Universal Basic income too. Then, if you wanted to work to upgrade your lifestyle you could, but you don’t have to. What if work was about thriving, not surviving? What if work was your passion not your means of survival?
The clash between the passion project and the need for survival is where I find myself all the time. I don’t want to charge for my work. I give it away freely all the time. But that clashes with my need to help out financially around here. I feel like I can’t do both. I never found a balance that made sense and now I argue with a radical vision, a bunch of wild ideas, algorithms that keep my work hidden, and a desire to keep going even though it makes no logical sense to do it. I question opening up paid subscriptions on Substack, not to sell some secret sauce, but just to allow the few that do find me to support what I do, or maybe a PayPal link or a Ko-Fi link to use as a tip jar. I have no idea. Do I add share buttons? Chat buttons? Subscribe buttons? I don’t have answers. I’m winging it.
The rules say I’m supposed to post at specific times on specific days. I’m supposed to have a plan, a social media calendar. It’s supposed to be architected and contrived. I’m supposed to test different pictures, different titles to see which one works better. I’m supposed to do all these things and I don’t want any of them, I want to write. I stopped caring about money a while back, but that doesn’t mean my financial needs disappeared too.
What do I want for myself? A tiny home, off-grid where I can write in peace. I probably have an inner hippie that’s trying to come out, but honoring her is tough when I’m stuck in a system and a life that doesn’t offer much in the way of freedom. Maybe one day. A girl can dream, right?
For now, I’m going to watch the world burn with the rest of you. I’ll be here, writing away, talking to myself mostly, hoping that maybe one day somebody will get it and join in my crazy. For now, it’s just me and my keyboard.
Much love to all.
Della
